A Devil Hunter and the Thompson sisters
by The Lord Of Pages
Summary: Patti and Liz had been with Dante for over fourteen years, the twin gun sisters being his closest friends and partners. Take a peek into their daily life of sex, fighting, and devil hunting. DanteXThompson sisters, 'cos really? They all fit. A one shot. AU. None Canon.


(HELLO! Thought I was dead after my BlazBlue one-shot, eh? So, this one was inspired by Soul Eater and Devil May Cry.. Since the ONLY other fic in this genre blows a fat monkey, I'm gonna what I think will be awesome...Dante with the Thompson Sisters! So..Since Dante's hometurf is never stated in the actual games, the novels might say where it is or the Anime. But until I get around to reading them and watching the Anime, I'm gonna say it takes place in Brooklyn. So lets start this bitch. I'll do another one-shot fic in this vein when DMC5 comes out and I play it, 'cos I'll get around to working a prequel fic into this. So for now, let's just say that Liz and Patti replaced Ebony and Ivory as his main weapons. For the timeline fans, this takes place right after DMC1, Trish has just left Dante with jack and shit, and we'll do some fan-service and comedy with the trio of Liz,Patti and our favorite pizza munchin', trash talkin', coat wearing bad-ass to start this sucker up. A full blown fic? Hell no! This shit works best as a oneshot. So lets get it started!)

If I owned Devil May cry, do you THINK I'd let Ninja Theory give him black hair and an old man's voice despite the fact he's supposed to be a sixteen year old? If I owned Soul Eater, do you think Maka would've lived past childhood to continue fucking up Soul while he's about to get some from Blair? FUCK NO TO BOTH! So since those things happen, I DON'T OWN EITHER!

* * *

'RING,RING,RING,RING! RIN..BZZZTTT!' A very loud alarm clock is heard through a dusty bedroom, complete with hot nude chick posters, a dart-board with a generic demon's head on it, and a few posters for a random action flick featuring some hotshot buff dude named ' Drew Matthew Langdon' until it gets blasted to pieces by a pistol resembling the Beretta 92FS with a zig-zag pattern on the muzzle that appear like teeth and a slanted eyes near the barrel.

The weapon is held by a masculine arm extending from a threadbare king sized bed, when the arm lowers it, it morphs into an attractive young blond haired woman, she has pretty huge breasts, short light blonde hair and blue eyes, she pouts with puffed cheeks as she holds a skimpy black lace gown to her chest.

"DANTE~! MEANIE! STINKY SILVER POOPY HEAD! YOU WOKE ME UP WHEN YOU FIRED ME!"

"...mghhrghh..."

"What?"

"...mgghhaghh...Get over here Patti.."

She yells at two sleeping figures, the male of the two raises his head, his face shoved deeply into the hair of a long tan haired woman with smaller breasts then the first, she was wearing a deep red silky gown while he was only in a pair of dirty blue-jeans, he mumbles into the woman's neck as the short haired girl just has tiny white eyes and a question mark above her head at his grumble, he repeats himself as he grabs her by her waist and pulls her into the bed with him.

She blushes darkly when his hand gropes her breast, his face turning from his hair pillow with a smug look," What a wild night, huh? Another threesome that lasted for eight hours this time..didn't stop for anything...man, if only we had more nights like this..Well, come on, lets have us a quickie before Liz gets up..."

"Da..ante.~! Uahhnnn.."

"...zzz...zzz..."

"Uah..hehehe..Gotta love that she's such a deep sleeper...wouldn't think she was from how vocal she is...Yeah..."

* * *

Liz woke up soon after he and Patti finished, and she was pissed off, Dante had sex with Patti and she wasn't involved...Her old inferiority complex concerning her younger sisters bigger breasts always gave her a jealous streak a mile wide concerning Dante. She yelled at him for a few minute before he silenced her with a french kiss that lasted several minutes until a jealous and still horny Patti broke them up.

Liz and Patti shower up together to save water as Dante sits on the toilet, seat down reading a porno magazine, the two sisters had thrown out all but his most hidden stash, kept well out of their prying ways. Liz rinses off her long hair as Patti washes her massive breasts, Dante hides his magazine as he taps his foot and looks at the nude shadows of his two best weapons and beloved partners with a frown," Girls."

"Hey Liz, I think your breasts grew again~!"

"WHAT? REALLY!"

"Yeah! They've grown a few more inches! But mine grew too..."

"...Of course..of fuckin' course..."

"Girls."

"Hey Liz? What do you think we should do when we see that Trish meanie again? She stole our Food money!"

"We should pop the fuckin' whore a head-ful of lead Patti, and you don't need more food. You've got enough fat in your breasts already."

"MUUU! MEANIE~! DANTE LOVES MY BIG BREASTS! YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS 'COS YOU'RE AN ASS WOMAN!"

" SO WHAT? DANTE LOVES MY ASS, YOU CAN'T HOT-DOG HIM LIKE I CAN!"

"Girls!"

" SO WHAT~! I CAN GIVE DANTE A BETTER TIT-JOB THEN YOU LIZ!"

" MY ASS IS BETTER THEN YOUR BREASTS FATTY PATTI!"

"YOU PROMISED TO NEVER CALL ME THAT! MUUUUUU~~! WHIZZER LIZ!"

" I DON'T WET THE BED ANYMORE YOU BITCH!"

"GIRLS!"

"What?" "What~?"

"..You're wasting the hot water, now get out please so I can clean up."

Dante asks them quietly while Patti begins the innocent conversation with her older sister while washing her breasts, Liz rinses out her hair as she smirks at her sisters breasts, Patti takes offense to that as she yells at her sister which pisses off Liz as she brings her sexual prowess into the argument, Dante raises his voice with a growl as Liz and Patti start glaring at each other while yelling with white angry eyes and sharp teeth, Patti backs off with a gasp at the old insult her sister had for her, she yells back with a mocking title for her sisters old bed wetting habits to which Liz blushes with embarrassment and anger. Dante yells that out angrily as their heads turn to his shadow while he rubs his face tiredly.

* * *

Dante grabs a piece of cold pizza as he flops onto a dusty and beat up old couch, he gropes around for a remote as he pulls it out of a used bra of Patti's, he turns on the boob-tube as Liz walks by with a slice of her own, she gets onto his lap as Patti flops onto the couch with the entire box in her hands, Liz looks at her with a shake of her head as Patti starts munching on two slices at once.

"Okay..lets see what we've got on today...sports, boring, professional wrestling..Maybe, it's one of Rainbow Mika's matches, a rerun but still, I'll watch that if we have nothing else on..Soft core porn..OUCH! Okay, nix to that...Cartoons, hell no. Anime movie, nah. News...hmm...a break in at a bank, some old dude killed, bomb explosion..snoresville..Rainbow Mika's match it is then."

"Dante~? Do you think Rainbow Mika's breasts and ass are better then ours?"

"Yeah Dante, you really like her in her skimpy suit...Mind telling us what that's about?"

He flips through the channels with a yawn, finishing his pizza off as he licks his fingers, he turns it to the sports channel then instantly leaves, he looks at a wrestling channel with a grin as he sees it's a Rainbow Mika match, then he turns to a porno channel with a smirk until Liz and Patti hit him jealously, he grumblers while rubbing his head as he turns to early morning baby cartoons, he scowls and flips to a movie about some Cyborg babe in the future or shit like that, he changes it to a boring news channel with a dude who looked like he'd enjoy being a Chip and Dale male stripper more then a stuffy newscaster, he shrugs and goes back to the professional wrestling channel.

Patti taps his shoulder with a smile too wide to be real, as Liz scowls and glares at him as they ask that, he sweats nervously as he turns off the TV rapidly.

"Okay..no TV then."

"YAY~!"

"Better..Wanna make out?"

" Hell yeah."

He gulps out as Patti throws her arms up in a joyous bounce, her huge breasts bouncing sexily, Liz smirks at him as she throws her top off, then he grins widely as he pulls them both to him.

"Dante~...Uahh.."

"Dante..mmhhyeah..."

"I love you two soo damned much..hehe. the sex kicks ass too."

* * *

Dante sits at his desk, idly reading a magazine on motorcycles as a soft sucking sound is heard below his desk, he looks at a phone with an impatient glare then goes back to his magazine. He continues to read until it rings loudly, two loud bumps are heard underneath his desk, as he smirks to himself.

'BANG! BANG!"

"OWWIIEE~!"

"SHIT!"

"Devil Never Cry. Yeah? Yeah? Got it. Girls, we've got a job, let's go and kick ass."

The sisters crawl from underneath the desk, both having been giving Dante a double blowjob until the phone startled them just as they finished, Patti wipes her lips off as Liz rubs her head painfully, they stand by Dante as he listens to the caller, nodding until he smirks widely. He tells them that as he picks up his trench-coat and pulls Rebellion out from behind his chair. Liz and Patti nod as they turn into their gun forms, he grabs them up then smirks to himself as he walks out of his store.

"Let's get to work."

* * *

After the trio take out a generic group of Marionette's and a few Blades which was a rarity to encounter the blasted raptor like demons, he turns them back to normal as he haggles with their client, a smoking and burning building behind them, Liz and Patti stand by him as they try to haggle as well.

"C'mon! They were the ones to blow up the building man! I don't think you need to dock the pay!"

"YEAH! DANTE DIDN'T DO A THING~! THOSE MEANIE BLADES WERE THE ONES TO BLOW UP THE FURNACE!"

"Yeah, it's not our fault!"

"SO WHAT? THAT WAS MY HOME THAT YOU ALL BLEW UP! YOU'RE LUCKY I'M NOT GIVING YOU A LAWSUIT! SO TAKE THE HUNDRED BUCKS OUT OF FIVE HUNDRED YOU FUCKNG MOOCHERS!"

"...Okay, okay."

"DANTE~!"

"YOU'RE GONNA TAKE WHAT THIS ASS..MPPH!"

"Ehehe..that's enough girls. Thanks for the money..Now's let Scram!"

He says desperately as Patti pipes up loudly with puffed up cheeks, Liz agrees with her sister in a more subdued but still angry voice, the client, a fat balding man in good clothes yells angrily at them until he glares and hands them a check for a hundred dollars. Dante sighs and nods his head slowly, Patti looks at him with a loud yell as Liz yells angrily at him until he clamps his hand to her mouth, sweating nervously as he didn't want the man to take back their pay, he runs off with them in tow, both held underneath his arms.

* * *

They get back to their shop, Dante yawning tiredly as Liz and Patti walk by his side, all of their heads held low as they look at the measly one hundred with three matching light bulb shaped puffs of air. They head into the shop, until Dante stops, Lady sits atop his desk, tapping her foot slowly on the floor as Patti and Liz glare at her.

"What the fuck you want Bitch?"

"YEAH~! WE DON'T NEED YOU TAKING OUR CASH AGAIN! WE'RE HUNGRY!"

' I see you're still hanging around with that bum Dante you two. What you two girls see in him..I'll never know."

"TAKE THAT BACK ABOUT DANTE~!"

"YEAH! HE'S TWICE THE DEMON HUNTER YOU ARE!"

"..Lady. It's been a long day, we lost four hundred bucks out of a possible five hundred, we just lost all of the cash we had...So PLEASE! Have in your soul to get my tab some other time, okay? We NEED this money! We don't have food except for raw pizza, our rent's coming up soon, and we need to get much needed cash together to pay it off."

"...Peh...you're lucky I'm in a good mood today Dante. You can pay me back in two weeks, no more, no less. Got me? Well see ya, take care of the bum you two. God knows he needs the help..."

Liz growls at her darkly as Patti yells angrily at her, whenever Lady showed up at their store, she usually sucked up whatever cash they could spare for Dante's debts with her. Lady looks at them with a bored expression on her face, as Patti and Liz take offense at her bum comment, they loved and cared about Dante a lot, and hated it when she put him down. Dante sighs deeply, as he looks at Lady tiredly, stressing the please and need with a desperate look on his face. Lady frowns, but she wasn't cold hearted despite what Liz and Patti seemed to think, if Dante needed time to get cash together, he'd do it. She gets off his desk, walks past him, then looks back at him with a frown as she asks that, he nods slowly as she walks out before saying that to Liz and Patti with a hidden smile.

"...grhh...She's so mean to Dante Liz~!"

"Yeah..yeah...I know...Jesus..you think he killed her puppy with how she treats him..."

"...Whew..well..time for bed girls..."

* * *

Dante takes a good shower before bed, washing off the dust and sweat he built up from their earlier mission, Liz and Patti do the same as the three partners and lovers strip and get clothed respectively, Dante wears a light tanktop and boxers to bed, while Liz and Patti put on skimpy night attire.

"Dante~! I want some lovin'."

" Yeah same here."

They say as they push his arms into their breasts with lustful looks, he grins to himself, he'd have a bit of fun with them both first, then onto a long night of love making.

"Yawn..nah..I'll have to give you two a rain check. I'm dead tired..night!"

He fake yawns then lies down with a hidden smirk, their faces go blank, as Liz's hair covers her eyes while a deep frown appears on her face, Patti turns into her gun form as Liz cocks it loudly then points Patti at him, he gulps nervously then snaps up rapidly, waving his hands at Liz rapidly.

"WAIT! WAIT! DON'T SHOOT! Jeez..I'm sorry, but can't you take a little joke now and then?"

"YEAH! But not when it's about our fun time Dante~!"

"No shit we can't take that kind of joke Dante. Now how you wanna make this up to us?"

He yells out, then he looks petulantly at them with a childish tone to his voice, Patti huffs at him with puffed up cheeks while Liz glares at him angrily, then she smirks as Patti grins.

"How else? By making you scream all night long."

He asks them, then smirks as they squeal in pleasure.

* * *

(Okay! Tell me your thoughts, and sorry, no crossover lemons for you all. Plenty of dirty talk, sexual innuendo, and references to perverted acts though, so enjoy them. Also, for those who wanna bitch to me about shit like the girls OOC, well I personally think that Liz is a curser, in the pic I have up of when they were on the streets, she's smoking and Patti is grinning like a blood thirsty manic, I think that Liz has a real foul mouth, and for the horniness of the sisters, Death the Kid's a virgin, a perverted one, but still a virgin. Patti and Liz if introduced to sex would take to it like a fish to water in my mind, besides..My crossover, my rules. So suck it. The changed name though? That can be explained. See at the end of the first game, Dante changed the name of his shop to Devil Never Cry, implying that that he has moved on from his scars concerning his moms fate and his brothers death, I don't know about the Anime, but since Devil May Cry 2 never has the name changed, Devil May Cry 3 is a prequel, and Devil May Cry 4 doesn't even take place in Dante's home turf, I assume it's still called Devil Never Cry. Maybe he changed the name back, I don't know and I don't care. The Brooklyn placement was taken because as far as I know, the unnamed city out of which Dante works is never named. So I'll put the place in Berlin if I feel like it. Other then that, hope people like this, I did this because of the obvious connection the Thompson sisters could have with Dante and his duel wielding style of gun-play, the fact that the ONLY other DMCXSoul Eater crossover sucks pretty badly, and I rather like the idea of the Thompson sisters working with the Devil Hunter. Well, this is the Lord of Pages out!)


End file.
